Sta.sh
[ A girl lost in the woods,
on a wondering path,
down into nothing,
A girl lost in the woods,
know wondering why,
as the world passes by,
one young girl,
feeling ignored,
as her speech falls flat,
in this lonely world,
wondering around,
Her heart aching,
as the tears begin to flow,
as she wonders around,
know lost on this dead path,
all alone,
Her feelings now fading,
as she looks for those,
who shes despret to see,
as the torture continues,
one young girl,
feeling ignored,
as her speech falls flat,
in this lonely world,
wondering around,
Alone like always,
a continuance of her life,
as she fades away,
only those in her eyes,
who are most important,
one young girl,
feeling ignored,
as her speech falls flat,
in this lonely world,
wondering around,
Her life is dead,
she knows it,
yet it doesn't matter,
yet it doesn't matter,
the path know gone,
as her love still flows,
for those she cares for,
as she erases herself,
for those she cares for. ]
[Song Made by me]
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I don't particularly like songs on here; they are better put to music. However, this one seems to be an exception. Nice use of using being lost in the woods as a metaphor... though it does get lost at the last 2 lines( unless she goes away so others won't worry.) The chorus appeals to me and is well-written. Sadly, though, it is plagued by a few errors:"know wondering why,";"know lost on this dead path,"- the "know" in each of these seems out of place.
"who shes despret to see,"-->"who she's desperate to see"
"the path know gone," could be-"the path known, gone"
Other than that, it's not bad for a first. Well Done.( and if you need a friend, send me a note, k?)